I puked a lego.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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