Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize