i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
