chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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