I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
