We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You ate ashes out of my bong
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
