My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
