you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We're too hungover to prance.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
