everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
