talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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