you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
