Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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