I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize