I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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