new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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