is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
