i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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