Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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