I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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