my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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