I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
