i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
