Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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