the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
