Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
