I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
