i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
