I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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