I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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