You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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