My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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