I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
