you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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