i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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