I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize