There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
