haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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