i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
