he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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