just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
