the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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