worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
