my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
