soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
