My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
