That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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