Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
