matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
