i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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