The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
