it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
