Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
