Where did you get a picture of my penis
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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