I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
