Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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