I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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