it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize