i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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