Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
