apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
