Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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