We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
