you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
