Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
foreskin is a definite game changer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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