I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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