is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
