i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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