that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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