lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
