C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
