i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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