I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
