My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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