Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
