Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
