i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
