Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
